Embracing Self-Love and Independence This Valentine's Season

The month of February arrives with an arrogant expectation of romance. Valentine's Day, once a simple day to celebrate love, has been so commercialized that it seems to take over the entire month. Every storefront is decorated with hearts, red roses, and cupids aiming their lovely arrows. Grocery stores feature entire aisles filled with chocolates, candy, and decorations. Restaurants advertise reservation-only, overpriced "couples" dinner menus.

I even walked by a pet store with white bunnies lazily flopping on giant, red, heart-shaped pillows! While florists have been eagerly anticipating their biggest sales day of the year, all of the candlelit dinners, declarations of love, and rabbits can be a bit…too much. All of this pressure for one single day!

With all the focus on external gestures of love, it begs the question—what about the love we show ourselves? Shouldn't we celebrate that just as much as Valentine's Day?

Why do we hyper-focus on romantic love so much this season, and better yet, why aren't we celebrating and embracing self-love? What if, instead of looking outward for validation through a dozen roses, a box of fancy chocolates, and the promise of "someone special," we turned inward and embraced a relationship with ourselves because we are that special someone?

Our world constantly tells us that we need to be in a relationship to feel complete, but whether you're single by choice, still looking, in a relationship, or maybe somewhere in between, choosing self-love is a radical act that flies in the face of cultural norms.

From childhood on, we are fed the idea that love stories end with 'happily ever after', but true happiness doesn't come from a partner—it first needs to come from within. You need to love yourself before you can truly love someone else.

This Valentine's season (because it's become so much more than one day!) is the perfect time to celebrate yourself and shift the focus from romantic love to embracing self-love and the independence that comes with being comfortable with your own company. Let's re-frame the Valentine's narrative and discover the satisfaction of solitude, deep self-care and personal growth.

The Power of Self-Love and Independence

But what does self-love really look like? How can we turn a month marketed to romance into a time of personal celebration rather than external validation?

While it might be a trendy phrase du jour, self-love isn’t just an excuse to spoil yourself with a shopping trip or indulge in a spa day—although these types of things can certainly be a part of it. Self—love is about prioritizing yourself and recognizing that you are worthy of love, care, and attention. Far from being an act of selfishness or narcissism, self-love is caring for, accepting, and protecting yourself.

According to the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation, self-love (also referred to as "self-care") isn't about one particular act but rather "a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness, taking care of your own needs, and not sacrificing your well-being to please others."

When you practice the same loving acts of kindness that you would give a loved one—nurturing, patience, respect—you'll notice a shift from seeking external validation to a feeling of peaceful contentment that comes from deep within you. By listening to your own needs and setting boundaries that protect your peace, you'll build confidence and emotional resilience.

If you need a few more reasons to embrace the concept of self-love, how about this: Studies by MQ Mental Health Research show that self-care can reduce anxiety and depression, increase motivation, and lower stress levels. While learning to love ourselves takes work, those mental and physical health benefits are worth the effort.

As you learn to trust yourself and enjoy the solitude of your own company, a sense of independence will deepen and grow. This doesn't mean being alone all the time; far from it, it's more about being perfectly comfortable in your own company instead of constantly seeking out others to bring you happiness.

Self-love and independence play beautifully together as they naturally reinforce each other. Independence is crucial for your personal growth as it creates space for self-discovery and deeper self-awareness, allowing room for you to become more self-reliant and at peace with being in your own company. The less you seek validation from others, the more you learn to love yourself and give love more freely.

Remember, being alone doesn't mean being lonely—it's an opportunity for self-connection.

Redefining Valentine's Season: From External Love to Inner Love

This Valentine's Season, instead of waiting for love from others or exhausting yourself by giving all of your love away, use this time to deepen your relationship with yourself. This might feel incredibly difficult to do when we are conditioned to think that putting ourselves first is selfish.

Here are some helpful examples of ways you can deepen your relationship with yourself this Valentine's Season:

Treat yourself! From splashing out for a fancy meal to indulging in a luxurious spa day, treating yourself is an act of self-love. While we often think treating yourself leads to things that cost money, there are many ways to spoil yourself with something special that is relatively inexpensive or completely free. The goal is to prioritize yourself with things that make you feel good. You can bake brownies at home, settle in for a candle-lit binge series or go for a meditative walk in nature. Research shows that spending even small amounts of time outside in nature positively impacts how we view ourselves and our connection with others.

Embrace Yourself. This means also accepting and embracing your imperfections. No one is perfect, and striving to be so makes authenticity impossible. Brene Brown, researcher and author of The Gifts of Imperfection, says it best: " It is in the process of embracing our imperfections that we find our truest gifts: courage, compassion, and connection."

Journaling. Keeping a daily journal or gratitude list is an act of self-care as you focus on your thoughts and emotions. The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley found that expressing daily gratitude benefits just about every area of our lives and that gratitude is the "social glue" to building and nurturing strong relationships—including those with ourselves.

Solo Adventures. Maybe there's a place you've always wanted to visit, but you could never find a travelling partner. Or perhaps an experience you've been itching to try, but you were waiting for someone else to go with you. Now is the time to strike out on your own for asolo adventure of self-discovery.

Self-Love and Healing at The Place Retreats

At The Place Retreats, we believe that the most transformative journeys begin with self-discovery, and what better time to embark on that journey than now?

A solo retreat at The Place Retreats Bali is the ultimate act of self-love. Imagine giving yourself the space to recharge, reflect, and reconnect with your true self. Our tailor-made experiences, away from the noise and expectations of everyday life, offer the perfect opportunity to do just that.

We offer mindfulness activities, from meditation, yoga, and Watsu to holistic therapies and healing sessions, all in Bali's lush, tropical setting.

This Valentine's season, instead of longing for someone to complete you, take the time to celebrate the person you already are because the most important love story you will ever have is the one with yourself.

Reach out today and speak with one of our expert team members to plan your ultimate act of self-love with a solo retreat at The Place Retreats Bali.